Eventually when it came down to the nitty gritty (paying and such like) 6 frontrunners were left posting their incomprehensible entry forms. Firstly there were the usual suspects, Matt Seegelaar, Thomas Kirk (widely known as the veterans of the competition) having completed two Tough Guys previously. Then there was Vicky ‘The Graduate’ Beaney, whose allegiance is unwavering with university swimming team even as an alumnus. Then there were the two ‘ignorant’ contenders Jo Davies and Heather McKay who both agreed they were not really quite sure what to expect. Finally, ‘the outsider’ Andy Powell not strictly a member of DUSC, but having completed one Tough Guy the summer previously and having been on a swimming social on more than one occasion had earned the title of ‘honorary member’ and was a most welcome addition to the team.
The Tough Guy competition, which the above loons paid around £110 for the pleasure of enduring is essentially an assault course coupled with a cross country run; obstacles include writhing through swamps, running through burning hay bales, climbing 15m high structures, rope ladders and crawling under barbed wire. Contending with the cold however, is possibly the largest hurdle to overcome. The sanity of competitors is sometimes questioned; ‘more money than sense’ is the phrase that springs to mind.
The team were disappointed to learn the night before that Thomas was unable to compete as his colleague could not cover his shift, although the greatest disappointment resided with Thomas as he was quoted to have been ‘livid’!
Nerves began at the dinner table the night before (at least with Jo and Heather) and did not subside until the challenge was well underway. All plausible injuries and possible disabilities were discussed as well as minor funeral arrangements, should the situation present itself.
The team took their positions near the back of the starting group of would-be Tough Guys, a mere 7,000 of them, with the rest of the ‘dickheads’ (a term assigned to late entrants, consequently positioned at the back). The challenge began with a run, 3 miles long across varied terrain not forgetting the calf-burning ‘slalom hills’. The run then petered out into the obstacles. Competitors were broken in gently with netting and hurling themselves over hay bales. Then came the water; cold and sharp, up and over muddy banks into watery ditches one by one, at first they brought a welcome chill from the heated run, but soon after the thought was regrettable.
As the team scaled the obstacles that they were presented with, each was defeated one by one. By now they were covered head to toe in mud which made scaling vertical 4m high walls a-not-quite-so agile affair. A fellow competitor had, in his efforts to become a tough guy donned what is known as in popular culture as ‘the mankini’, an item that leaves little to the imagination. Think Borat, a character conjured up by witty satirical comedian Sascha Baron Cohen. Unfortunately ‘Borat’ had become entrained in the mud in an uncompromising position. Heather ran past refusing to aid the scantily clad competitor, but Matt, like a good Samaritan, ran up from behind and gave him a hearty tug. The assault course continued with underground tunnels through which competitors had to writhe, where knees and elbows fell victim to extreme exfoliation and skin removal.
By far the worst of all the obstacles was the lake which involved diving beneath logs in icy-cold water, the shear temperature causing brain freeze and partial paralysis. Not-so-tough competitors were plucked from the lake if symptoms of hypothermia were exhibited, but the core temperatures of the DUSC team were unchanged and so they limbered on.
As the end drew near the mud became slimier and heavier, heaving oneself over sewage pipes became ever difficult as did differentiating who was who, on account of the mud that seemed to camouflage everyone. The token jelly-baby handed out by marshals did not seem to provide sufficient energy to haul competitors up the final hill, some struggled, failing at the last hurdle. Matt, Andy, Heather, Vicky and Jo summoned up every last ounce of energy they had in their freezing cold bodies (their awareness of the presence of their fingers and toes now non-existent) to make it up the hill, although Andy seemed to be in a perpetual struggle with the mud to remain upright even on the flatter parts of the course.
The team finished and were herded, like sheep, into barns where they were offered hot chocolate and biscuits. The ordeal had ended.
Later that day the DUSC Tough Guys rewarded themselves with a 938 calorie ‘Power Bar’, the day’s exhausting activities having depleted most of their energy reserves. The wonderful hosts for the Tough Guy’s weekend were Mr. and Mrs. Seegelaar who provided, as always, faultless hospitality for the team. The team would like to thank them for caring for them in their time of need! It was greatly appreciated.
Barr a couple of bruises and scratches no war wounds were incurred, which was rather disappointing for the new Tough Guys as they had hoped to come out with a few ‘souvenir’ scars. The only scar on the Tough Guys was in their mind...That image of Borat writhing around in the swamp is sure to leave a lasting impression on their Tough Guy experience!
